Ham Versus Turkey

Turkey+takes+on+Ham+in+a+Holiday+Food+Boxing+Match.+

Drawn by Taina Covington

Turkey takes on Ham in a Holiday Food Boxing Match.

Cohen Paxton, Reporter

Tis’ the season for family, friends, and fun, but let us talk about the thing that really matters; what food you will be eating this holiday season. While some will take the easy way out and throw together a dry old turkey, let me tell you what you should be doing: go to your local store and pick out a nice ham. 

Ham, in my opinion, is the single greatest thing you can eat, not only during the holidays but also year-round. I think so highly of ham that I no longer say, “it is the greatest thing since sliced bread,” I now say it is the greatest thing since sliced ham.

Another thing I love about this absolute superior meat is the fact that it is not chained to one holiday. When the word turkey crosses my mind, I think of a nasty side dish that is served at Thanksgiving. Oh, but ham, on the other hand, can be brought out at any function anywhere. Personally, I am thinking about making a ham for the Fourth of July next year. I mean, tell me a better way to celebrate our nation’s birthday than sinking your teeth into a big piece of ham. 

Some may point out that the turkey was what Benjamin Franklin wanted to be the national bird, so it must be of the highest honor. What they need to remember is Benjamin Franklin is also the man who flew a kite in a thunderstorm. So should we really take advice from him?

I will show some respect for the other side and say that turkey can sometimes be good, but only when paired with ham. Turkey, to me, is always that thing I get on my fourth plate that just sits there because I know if I put it in my mouth, my stomach will turn into a scene from a horror movie. 

I will now step off my soapbox and let you make the decision for yourself, but I do wanna leave you with a few words. This holiday season, when mapping out the meal plan, drop the dry turkey and go ham.